In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
