Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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