It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Too much gin, very little bucket
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
