My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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