For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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