I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
