You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
