That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
