The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
