i think my mom watched the whole time
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize
