Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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