Only a mothe r could love this liver
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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