You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
