Dual....:-)
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
