GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
