saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
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