cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
