There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
