i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
