I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
