Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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