I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
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