did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
