Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
