I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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