are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
