Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
You left your underwear on the fireplace
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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