it wasn't lemon gatorade
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
