Small penises have feelings too.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
