My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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