I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
