It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
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