i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
