so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
