just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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