I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
