Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
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