btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
