You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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