my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
