then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
