his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
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