Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
