these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
