I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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