God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
