my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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