So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
My cat gives me a boner
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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