I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
