How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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